Stupid Walmart Moment No. 7542 -- The Legend of Nanna Ellie from Cheshire

I was the third customer in the 20 items or less lane this evening at Walmart.

No big deal. The sharply dressed gentleman in front of me had nine items in his basket. In and out quick. Yesss!

Not so for the first customer in line.

We'll call her Nanna Ellie from Cheshire to protect her identity. Not that I know her, but I just like using that reference.

Anyway, Nanna Ellie from Cheshire brought just a few more than 20 items to the 20 items or less lane. Nanna Ellie had 37 (!) items to ring up. And those were the items I could see to count! She already had three bags in her buggy.

On top of that, Nanna Ellie from Cheshire had coupons. I quit counting those bad boys at 14. 

Irritated was I with my three frozen pizzas, box of bandaids, Neosporin, dish detergent, 8-pack of Irish Spring and 2-pack of Degree deodorant.

Even if you count the Irish Spring and Degree separately, my item count was 16, well within the legal lane limit.

Now Nanna Ellie from Cheshire seemed like a nice lady and the cashier was a saint. She handled Nanna Ellie with grace and a sweet spirit.

I could tell the gentleman in front of me was irritated, but he handled it well, too, taking the time to make a phone call to distract himself.

Yes, I eavesdropped on his coversation, but that's another story for another day. The lady he was talking with spoke very loudly.

Me? I started counting every item that Walmart stashes at the check out line to entice your kids.

I'm a counter.

It's what I do.

What?

In fact, I counted all that stuff three times before Nanna Ellie from Cheshire finished checking out.

I can't be overly irritated with Nanna Ellie, though.

After all, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know that there are 24 different kinds of snacks in the 20 items or less lane.

No I didn't buy any of them.

College Football Chaos!

It's 1:17 a.m. on Sunday, Oct. 5. 

Do you know where your favorite Associated Press Top 25 college football teams are? 

For fans of No. 2 Oregon, No. 3 Alabama, No. 4 Oklahoma, No. 6 Texas A&M, No. 14 Stanford, No. 15 LSU, No. 16 USC, No. 17 Wisconsin, No. 18 BYU and No. 19 Nebraska ... well, your boys are probably somewhere licking their wounds. 

Yep. That's right. All ten of those teams lost this weekend. 

Oh, as I'm writing this, No. 8 UCLA is trailing unranked Utah 24-21 in the Rose Bowl. That outcome might be settled by the time I'm done with what will amount to a coroner's report on the AP Top 25. 

My Saturday of college football started as it always does, off and on watching of College Game Day on ESPN. Game Day was more amusing than usual this week since they dragged in pop singer Katy Perry as the guest picker. I'm not a Katy Perry fan, but she was pretty funny and she picked No. 11 Ole Miss to beat Alabama, one-upping all the professional prognosticators on the show. 

Heaving corn dogs at the cameras to end the show was a nice touch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyWuFG0iCQU

To appease My Smokin' Hot Wife, we settled in and watched No. 20 Ohio State "welcome" Maryland to the Big 10. Even if you are a Buckeyes fan, that was a wasted three hours. Don't tell my wife I said that. 

While we were immersed in the Buckeyes-Terps titanic struggle, epic carnage was unfolding in Starkville, Miss., where No. 12 Mi'sippi State was administering a 48-31 beat down to No. 6 Texas A&M. That opened the floodgates for four more Top 25 upsets on the day. 

Here's the rest of the upset rundown from Saturday: 

• (11) Ole Miss 23, (3) Alabama 17 
• (25) TCU 37, (4) Oklahoma 33 
• Arizona St. 38, (16) USC 34 
• Northwestern 20, (17) Wisconsin 14 

NOTE: No. 8 UCLA leads Utah 28-27 with 2:47 to play in the fourth quarter. Utes ball at the UCLA 33. 

You could just feel that this weekend was going to be a wild one after Rich Rodriguez's Arizona Wildcats upended No. 2 Oregon IN EUGENE on Thursday night. I even turned off that game late thinking, "Ah, the Ducks are gonna pull it out." Next thing I know it's Friday morning and the top sports story is about how Rich's RodCats skewered said Ducks. 

Do what!?!?!?! Uh oh. Look out, Top 25! 

UPDATE: Utah is getting ready to try a 22-yard, potentially game-winning field goal with :37 left in the game. 

It's an historic weekend in college football. I've been watching the sport for a good forty years and never have I witnessed what happened on Saturday. Five of the AP's Top 10 teams fall on the same weekend. Never happened before. It was fantastic! 

UPDATE to the UPDATE: Field goal good. Utah leads 30-28 with :34 left. 

Who would've thunk that the state of Mi'sippi would be the new capital of college football (at least for this week)? Surely the Rebels and Bulldogs are Top 5 bound after their wins. 

And has the balance of power shifted in the SEC, moving from the state of Alabama to their Gulf Coast neighbor? 

"Whoa! Whoa! Easy there, bubby!" yells Auburn coach Gus Malzahn, fresh from hanging toilet paper at Toomer's Corner. 

Okay, Gus, I'll give it to you. No. 5 War Eagle just might be the best team in the land after a 41-7 hijacking of No. 15 LSU. We'll find out, fella. 

Then there's the Pac 12 and Big 12. I'm not a believer in either conference. And their top teams did nothing to bolster any smidgen of faith I may have had in them. 

FINAL UPDATE: Utah upsets No. 8 UCLA 30-28 in LA. That's Los Angeles, not Lower Alabama. Actually, the game was played in Pasadena, but that didn't fit my joke. 

So long, smidgen of faith in the Pac 12/Big 12. It's conceivable that neither of those conferences will have a participant in the inaugural final four of college football come the new year. Ugly stuff, kids. 

With UCLA's loss -- add one, carry the two, take off my shoe -- make that eleven of the AP's Top 25 teams that went down to defeat this weekend. That's probably a record, too. 

How many more of these Pandora's box weekends will we see in college football this season? How many more times will the Top 25 pundits have to play 52 pick-up with the rankings? 

If the sportswriters have their way, many more. 

Chaos sells.